he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
