Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
