I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
