The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
