I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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