you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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