I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
