My balls are so social today.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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