this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
