I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
