chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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