I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
