Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
