watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
