You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The convent might be a nice break from real life
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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