I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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