I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize