No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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