1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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