home. puking in laundry basket.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
