She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
