Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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