Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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