i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
