the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
