i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
