I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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