doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
