I want to make a zoo with you.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
