so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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