Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
