i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
