I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
