I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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