I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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