This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
