i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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