apparently the secret to your success is patron
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
