i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
