I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
