ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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