I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
