Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
