Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
