If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
