Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
