She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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