Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
