Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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