i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
