hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
