Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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