so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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