grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
